Why Adoption?

Why did we adopt?

WELL....I will start our story today, but it is too long & involved for one blog.  (I know, you are shocked!)

I am not really sure when my heart fell in love with adoption, but I will say there was an incident that I vividly remember happening in my little town of Shippensburg, PA that impacted me.  I was young (not sure my age, but I want to say young teen) and we knew a family that had adopted.  Well, their child, in the last minute was reunited with her birth mom.  I remember when I learned of that.  I can still tell you where I was when my mom told me.  I am fairly certain that my mom had no idea it impacted me, but it did.  I never forgot it.  That precious family did end up adopting.  They ended up with a sweet boy.  He looked just like them too!  It was amazing & I knew in my heart, God knew just what He was doing.  He placed that little man in their lives for a reason!  I love this family & they had a huge impact on my adoption dreams.  They may have never known, but OH, what an impact they had.

So, during my junior year in high school, I had to write a research paper.  I really wanted to write a paper on something that I had a heart for, but, I was young.  I didn't know what in the world to do.  At the time, I was infatuated with a young man of a different race.  People had made comments to me on how difficult it would be on children if we were to get married and have kids.  So, with that in mind, I did my research paper on Interracial Marriages and the Effects of the Bi-racial Children.  What I learned from this research (which by-the-way, I had my parents watch the movie Jungle Fever with me---bahahahaha, yeah.  If you've ever watched that movie, the very first scene is enough to send my Pastor Dad into a coma), I learned that love and sharing and mixing cultures were the important things in the family.  The children needed to be welcomed to explore and know both sides of who they are.  I learned that while other people may have issues with it, when the children are brought up in a home that welcomes them and loves them for who they are, it doesn't matter the color of the skin.  Period.

My senior year....I had to write two more research papers.  One of which I did on adoption.  This paper opened my eyes to a whole new world.  I knew that adoption was and is one of the most amazing showcases of love I could ever experience.  Adoption.  It was in my heart.

Now, I would love to tell you that I went on with life knowing that I just wanted to adopt from that moment on.  But, that wasn't the case.  I wanted kids.  I wanted 10 boys to be exact.  *Yeah, that was BEFORE I was a mom!*  When Dan & I met in 2000 we both knew we wanted children.  We both knew we wanted to have them close together in age and a lot of them.  We were married in May 2001 and well, didn't worry about preventing pregnancy.  However, it didn't happen and I was having a lot of female issues.  Thus began the Doctor visits.  Come to find out in Dec 2001 I was diagnosed with severe Endometriosis.  I had a surgery and was immediately started on shots to put me into a "false" menopause.  This was to help clear it out of my system.  However, once my shots were completed, it didn't solve any issue.  in April 2002, the Dr told me there was nothing more that could be done and I needed a complete hysterectomy.  Along with the endometriosis, I also had PCOS and Fibroids on my Uterine Lining.  So, as we celebrated our 1st year of marriage, our hopes of having children were over.

These were tough days for me.  I dealt with a variety of emotions.  I felt like I had just failed my husband.  I was no longer complete and I just thought for sure he should move on to a "whole" woman.  I was 27 years old and having a complete hysterectomy.  While on some sides it was great (because I had been living every day life in pain), on other sides I just felt like a failure.  I also dealt with a spiritual side to this.  You see, we trusted God.  We had been prayed for & just knew that we would get pregnant.  So, when I scheduled surgery, I was confronted with some great men and women of God who asked me why I wasn't trusting God.  Why I had lost faith.  Whew.....it was tough.  But, we knew, for my health, this was the best path and so, adoption then became our only option of becoming parents.

Now, remember this, God had been preparing me for adoption for a LONG time, but I didn't see it that way.  In fact, over the course of the next several years, we didn't speak of it.  Dan was ready to adopt.  He knew it was his heart, but every time we would get papers to fill out, I would start working on it & the first set of questions asked my weight.  Well, as you know, I have always been overweight.  I didn't know why in the world anyone needed to know that.  Would they not allow me to be a mom because I was fat?  Really?  I had an attitude about it really.  Here is where God got me.  I kept asking why me God.  I would never really get an answer.  But, then one day, I knew.  Why me God?  Why NOT YOU BETH?!  WOW!  God gave me an amazing family who would accept any child, no matter if that child did or didn't look like me.  God gave me an amazing husband who knew that my health was more important than having a "biological" child.  God gave me an amazing support system who would be there for me any time I needed them.  WHY NOT YOU BETH?!  That weekend Dan & I bought a baby boy outfit at K-Mart, prayed over it & put it in a closet trusting that God will fill that baby boy outfit.

2 years later....He did just that.


---to be continued

***DISCLAIMER*** I am in NO WAY an adoption expert, nor do I have all or any answers in regards to adoption.  I am simply sharing OUR journeys and experiences.  I am sharing from my heart.  I will share some other information I find & I will share where the information was gathered.  Thank you for joining me this month!

Adoption--The Nitty Gritty

You are going to adopt?!  Really?! It is soooo expensive!!!!

Yes, you will hear this many times when you announce that you are going to adopt.  I won't lie.  Adoption can be expensive.  But, so can giving birth to a child.  Lets face it, nothing in life is free.  So, are there things that I wish I had known before we adopted.  Absolutely.  Today, I will share a few of those things.  I will most likely sprinkle some in during the rest of the month too.  

Know this going in.  EVERY SINGLE ADOPTION looks different.  Every. Single. One.  Both of our adoptions were different.  I think I knew this going into it, especially going into our second one, but somewhere deep inside my soul, I wanted it to be the same.  I wanted it to all go through the same path and it didn't.  So, remember, when you speak with others about their adoption journey, remember, yours will be different.  For your 1, 2 or 6 children that you adopt, they will each be different.  

Expenses.  Yes, there are expenses with adoption.  You will have them coming and going, or so it seems, but there are costs.  I can't tell you how much yours will be, because as I just previously stated, all adoptions are not created equal.  We had a private adoption with our first and an agency adoption with our second, and they were very different in cost.  There were various reasons for those cost differences, but simply put, they were different.  The one good thing with an agency, you usually have the costs laid out to you ahead of time *although remember things do happen & additional costs may arise*.  There are avenues that you can get help with your adoption costs.  There are various scholarships, grants, fund raising opportunities, etc that you can do and don't be afraid to do them!!!!!   Allow others to bless you in your journey!  Share your journey with them!

This next topic is tough, but I have to share it.  Remember, while you are celebrating becoming parents, there is a family that is suffering a loss.  When we were blessed with our oldest, we were so happy.  It literally was crazy how excited we were.  Honestly that first week we were home we had close to 100 visitors in & out of our home.  *I promise to share our entire story this month*  However, throughout all the excitement in our home, my heart hurt.  I knew that there was a beautiful young lady who was suffering severe loss.  She was crying.  Her family also knew of the placement and they were going through the loss with her.  Was it her choice?  Yes, but that doesn't mean it hurt less.  Should you be happy & celebrate becoming parents?  ABSOLUTELY! But, remember to at least pray for the birth family.  

We will speak more of this is the coming weeks, but know that people have good intentions.  You will hear things like, where did you get him/her?  How much was he/she?  Where is his/her real mom?  And many more things, but remember this....we have to educate people.  We have to share with them the "lingo" so to speak.  I am normally kind to people to start with unless they catch me on a bad day (HA!) and I usually will be a little obnoxious.  Usually the "where is his real mom" question will get an "I'm right here!" answer.  But, overall, I try to filter their questions, but I only answer what they need to know, which isn't much.  I will gladly share my love for adoption to anyone, but they don't need to know particulars.  

Know this....at some point, you will most likely hear...."You're not my real mom/dad!"  or "I want to go live with my real mom/dad!" from your kid.  It hurts.  It stinks.  But, it is reality.  My oldest is 9 and I've already heard it.  After he calms down and we talk, like really talk, we get to the questions.  He has questions y'all & that is ok.  We answer them.  To the best of our ability.  

So, will they come, most likely yes, but those statements may not, but if they do.....know they are normal!  Talk. Talk. Talk.  Adopted children deal with lots of emotions and that is OK! Know there are many people professionally who can help you deal with this too!!!!

Even though you didn't "birth" your child, you may experience post-pardum.  Normal.  Also, remember that you may experience loss of not carrying your child.  Normal.  Also, remember while you dealing with your own emotions your child will deal with some loss as well.  Normal.  

Surround yourself with people who understand adoption.  Parenting is tough and adding adoption to it adds on a whole other layer.  Remember to involve other adoptive families in your life.  Seek out help when you struggle and don't be afraid of that!  Keep in mind, when you adopt, it is for life.  That child is yours.  If you adopt an infant, if that child doesn't develop normally or as fast as you expected, be that child's advocate.    You are the parent.  You.  Regardless of birth or adoption.  When we were adopting our 2nd baby, there were drugs involved.  We had many questions about, what if the baby isn't normal?  I immediately thought, "and what if I were able to get pregnant and my child had special needs?"  I would love that baby just the same.  So, we would answer it that way.  People didn't mean it wrong, they just don't think sometimes.  So, surround yourself with those who will support you through life.  The good, the bad and the ugly and sometimes the extreme ugly.  

I will stop here for tonight.....but....these are some things to chew on!!!!!  

Adoption Month Begins

I thought it would be appropriate to start this month with the Presidential Proclamation.  I may not always agree with the President, but this is good stuff.  Enjoy!

Presidential Proclamation -- National Adoption Month, 2016

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH, 2016

- - - - - - -

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

Across America, adoptive parents welcome children into stable, loving families, providing a safe and comforting place for children in need to call home. Families who choose the life-changing path of adoption make a meaningful and lasting difference in the lives of some of the most vulnerable young people in our society. Regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, race, or religion, devoted Americans who adopt help give more children the upbringing they deserve. Each November, we recognize the important role that adoption has played in the lives of children and families in our country and around the world, and we rededicate ourselves to ensuring every child can find their forever family.

Last year, more than 100,000 children were waiting to be adopted from foster care, and every year, too many older youth age out of the foster care system before they are able to find permanence. Without this support during the critical years of early adulthood, these youth are more likely than their peers to experience homelessness, unemployment, or incarceration. To make the possibility of adoption real for more children across our country, my Administration has eliminated barriers to adoption by extending tax credits and providing financial incentives to child welfare agencies in almost every State to maximize adoptions. I have also worked to strengthen Federal workplace flexibility policies to ensure more families, including adoptive families, can keep their jobs and care for their children as their family grows.

On the Saturday before Thanksgiving, we also recognize National Adoption Day, kicking off a week of reflection and gratitude for many adoptive families. Each year on this day, thousands of adoptions are finalized, including more than 4,000 children in 2015. This year, cities from coast to coast will host a variety of events to commemorate the occasion.

One of the most important jobs many of us will ever have is being a parent. Throughout National Adoption Month, we celebrate all those who have invited a child in need into their hearts and into their homes, and we express our profound appreciation for all who help make adoptions possible. Let us continue strengthening the adoption process so that all children can learn, grow, and thrive with the support of a devoted and permanent family.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2016 as National Adoption Month. I encourage all Americans to observe this month by answering the call to find a permanent and caring family for every child in need and by supporting the families who care for them.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-seventh day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand sixteen, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and forty-first.

BARACK OBAMA

Avon 39 Update

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU.  Thank you to all who donated to my Avon 39 Breast Cancer Walk.  It is with sadness that I share this news, but, knowing this is the best for me at this time.  After consulting with my foot Dr (who has been treating me for a foot injury since Nov) and I am still struggling with complete healing, we determined it is best for me to wait until next year to complete this 39 mile walk.  BUT, here is the GREAT news!  Avon 39 will transfer ALL of my raised funds for next years walk!!!!  So, rest assured, it will still go towards this amazing cause & it will still help me as I continue to train and heal to stomp out Breast Cancer.  So, next April, I will, Lord Willing, be walking 39 miles in Houston for the Avon 39.

Thank you for your understanding & for your support.  Please pray that I heal & over the next year I will be even healthier and strong to do the walk!

Please let me know if you have any questions!  Love to you all!

Avon 39

Breast Cancer.  According to research statistics provided by the American Cancer Society, Breast Cancer is the most common cancer among women in the United States today, accounting for 29% of newly diagnosed cancers.  Roughly 1 in 8 will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime.  

I have always been a huge supporter of Breast Cancer foundations that help raise awareness, offer support, offer free mammograms and just keep people aware.  I have had many friends who have gone through Breast Cancer.  I have been witness to their lows and their highs.  I have seen the pain.  I have seen the joy of clear scans.  I have seen them enter a second round of treatment due to recurrence.  I have loved them and prayed for them.  I have seen the stress the family went through with them.  It is not fun.  Early detection has often been a saving grace.  Early detection.  

So what Beth, you support them.  Good for you.  Well, my heart has always been to do the Avon Breast Cancer 39 mile walk.  Why in the world, you may ask?!  TO SUPPORT!  BUT, truth is, I was always afraid.  I have to raise $1800 in order to be allowed to walk.  WHAT?!  I can't raise that much money!!!  I can't ask people to support something that I do.  I can't do that.  So, like a lot of things in my life, I allowed the fear to win and I haven't participated.  Last year, I watched a friend participate and she has participated for many years.  Always raising the funds.  I was still convinced I couldn't do it.  *Even though she assured me I could!*

Then it happened.  My mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer this summer.  My momma.  My rock.  My hero.  NOOOOOO!  

Within the first week of learning about her diagnosis, I signed up to walk.  My husband supports me all the way.  But, now, I have to raise $1800, and I am scared.  However, I am committed.  I would LOVE to raise it in the next 60 days!  Would you be willing to help me?  My page you can donate is: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/Houston?px=5836339&pg=personal&fr_id=2480

My momma is doing well.  She had a lumpectomy and the one spot they had found was contained.  The other spot they found the day of her surgery was a different kind.  So she just had some lymph nodes removed and thankfully, no cancer was found in her lymph system!  She is to start radiation soon & will be a survivor.  Her cancer was found early.  Early detection.  Thank the Lord!

So, I ask you, please join with me.  Help me raise my necessary $1800 in the next 60 days and then support me as I walk the 39 miles this April!  

Let me know if you have any questions & thank you so much for your support!!!!!

Want to Remember

There are moments when I am going through the tough times of being a parent to a toddler and a pre-tween child that I think....oh, I have to remember how this feels.  I have to remember how it feels to be in the trenches.  I have to remember how it feels to hear those words, "Enjoy the moment for this will soon be gone" when all you really want to do is scream at the top of your lungs.  I have to remember how it feels to be a wife, but not really connecting to your husband because by the time the kids are settled for the evening and everything is done you want nothing to do with anyone, let alone your spouse.  I want to remember.

You see, work, and the need for it, took us miles away from family.  Miles away from the free babysitters.  Miles away from a break.  I need to remember.  When my kids are grown, I pray God allows me to remember the feeling so that I can be a help to a couple, or a momma, or a daddy who needs a break.  Who needs a moment of silence.  Who may need to go to the grocery store without a child tugging on them.  Who may just need to lay in their spouses arm and sleep.  Who may need that weekend to have intimacy because they don't ever get it.  Who may need that encouragement to hang on when days get hellish.  Who may need that hug while they scream and cry.  Who may need that meal dropped at the door step without anything being expected in return.  I want to remember.  

You see, just because you are frustrated doesn't make you a bad mom.  Just because you have moments that you want to quit, doesn't mean you don't love your child(ren).  Just because you have moments when you want to run away for an hour, doesn't make you evil.  It makes you human.  It's real life.  Anyone who doesn't admit that, well, I'm sorry for them. 

I love my kids. I would take a bullet for them.  I would do anything for them.  I would walk on hot coals all day and night if I had to.  I would sleep outside in the freezing cold and beg for food if I had to.  But, that doesn't mean that I won't have days where I want to run away and hide.  It doesn't mean I am strong all the time.  I'm broken.  I'm torn.  I'm bleeding and not sure when the healing will begin, but, I know this...I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.  

So friends.....take this from me.....give love to a momma of young kiddos.  You never know when you will be her lifeline.  

4 years?!

I cannot believe that this week will mark 4 years since we've moved into our home here in Texas.  I will tell you that lately has been by far the most difficult time of the transition for me.  I have been struggling lately.

No, it isn't because I'm unhappy with my life.  I love being a mom.  In fact, being a mom is by far the best part of my life.  My little man is growing up so fast!  I can't believe that he is 7 now!  He continues to amaze me every day.  We definitely have our issues with him, as does any parent, but, I can't imagine my life without him.  He brings me joy everyday.  He is doing so well with gymnastics & loves it.  He is also doing well in school this year.  But, the biggest thing for him, he LOVES his sister.  I am not sure I have ever seen a brother as doting on their sister as him.  He is sooooooo protective.  We have had moments when she is crying that he gets angry at us because he thinks we made her cry.  When she cries, he picks her up.  It is honestly unreal.  Spoiling her isn't going to only be from her mommy & daddy.  Eli is daily our comedian.  He comes up with some stuff that is off the top.  Sometimes, all we can do is laugh. 

Clara, she is growing up way too fast.  I can't believe our princess is over 1 already.  She is walking around and getting into everything.  She loves her brother so much.  When he is in school, she goes around the house yelling, "Bubba!"  She misses him.  It is amazing to watch the connection between the two of them.  She also loves her Daddy.  We try to Facetime with him when he travels and she LOVES seeing him on the screen.  Now anytime we have someone on speaker phone, she thinks she should be able to see them.  Quite a different society now, huh? I am enjoying each moment with her & trying to cherish every moment as I know the baby times are leaving me too fast & much quicker than I would like.

So, 4 years in TX.  Someone asked me recently if I would change it.  My answer is no.  It's been good and bad, but I really do enjoy it here.  Lately though, I am having a tough time.  I hurt.  My heart misses my family more than ever.  I struggle with myself.  I have gained way too much weight since moving.  I have gotten out of my love of running.  I see all the negative and that hurts.  I wish I could just look past it.  I know what I need to do.  I have given up on most of the stuff I love.  I live for my kids now.  I want them to enjoy life.  I want them to love the moments.  However, in order for them to do that....I must.  Which means, I have to get out of my funk.  So, maybe by me admitting it here, I will start to move towards healing.  I have to be real.  I'm turning into a hermit.  Ask me to do something, most likely, I won't.  Yup....I know, it has to change.  So....can I ask for prayers?  Can you pray for me to get past this.  Not just get past this, but conquer it? 

I will end this with some great pics of my life.  My kiddos.  They are my life!  They are my loves.  They are my breath.

This was tonight.  Eli took her outside with him, I captured this shot.