Off to work I went. Crying the entire drive there. I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I was crushed. "God, why can't I be a mom?" His answer resounded in my soul once again.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
It just rang through my body. I was crying at work as I was starting my day. My boss came by (mind you, he knew nothing of this potential baby) and he asked me if I was ok. I told him all the car and air conditioner issues, but left out the baby. My friends however, were open for me to chat with. One of my friends at work had a family member who worked on the baby floor of the hospital. She found out what room birth mom was in and told me I should call her just to check in and let her know I was there. I knew in my heart that I was NOT supposed to call. God kept shouting at my soul....
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Be still Beth....Be still. So, I worked. I kept busy. I cried. One of my nieces called me & asked if I wanted to have lunch. Absolutely! So, we went to have lunch. On the way to lunch, I cried. I screamed. God reminded me....
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
After lunch, it was like something clicked in my heart and head. I knew that I had a choice. I could make this day great or I could choose to sulk the entire day. I decided that I was going to have a great day. So, I called my sister and asked if I could keep my nieces and we were going to have a girls night out! Since Dan was going to be fishing, we thought it would be fun to hang out & do girl things!!!! So, plan was set.
I got back to work after lunch and was set for the night, but the nagging room # was in my head. I called the hospital. I asked for that room # and it was NOT the right person. God reminded be....Be STILL!
Whew, I was completely done then. I sucked it up. I was on to finish my day and was getting ready things packed up & organized at 4:25pm when my cell phone rang. I ran to the phone & it was my cousin. I answered her question, hung up & I had missed a call from the hospital. WHAT?!?!?! AAAAAAHHHHHHH---I had NO way of knowing who called me from the hospital or what room #. I looked at my cell phone almost WILLING it to ring again.
4:28pm----it rang again...
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Our Journey Part 4
After the wedding and weekend away for Father's Day weekend Jun 2007, we went back to PA to continue our normal life. Mind you, at this point, we were "in the waiting pool" at Liberty Godparent Home/Family Life Services and we had lost contact with the birth mom for our potential private adoption.
Monday, June 18, we went back to work and life continued as normal. I was feeling pretty weepy this week. I couldn't understand why we were in this stand still. I knew it could take a while, but this week in particular I was just feeling down. I was determined I would never be a mom.
Tuesday was a normal day for us. I really don't remember anything odd about the day.
Wednesday....June 20, 2007. We had a normal day. After work, we had dinner and continued on to church. When we got home from church, Dan went to bed as he had to get up early & I decided to watch some tv. Around 10 pm I received a phone call. It was my family member telling me that birth momma had given birth, but it appeared as though she was going to keep her baby. With all my might, I remember just stating that I understood, it was an extremely difficult decision and she had to be at peace with whichever way she decided to go. We chatted for about 45 mins or so and after we hung up the phone I cried a bit, but then went to bed.
Thursday, I couldn't stop thinking about everything. I couldn't figure out what was going to happen, but life had to continue, and that it did. Thursdays were an extremely busy day for me at my job & I was thankful for that. That evening Dan & I did some minor things around the house and he made plans to go fishing the next day with some friends. He was also preparing to leave on Sunday for a week of youth camp, so we were just planning out our weekend and I was making a list of last minute supplies to purchase for him before he left. Around 10:30pm, I received a phone call. From birth grandmother. We talked about the reality of it all & the fact that the decision was extremely difficult on birth mom. I didn't completely understand, but I could only imagine how difficult it was. We talked for quite a while and thankfully, I kept my composure while I was on the phone. I had also learned that day that the potential adoption at the agency in VA we were working with was not going to happen. So, I felt like I had just lost all hope.
I. Was. Broken.
I remember sitting in my chair crying out to God. Not sure why this was happening and why I would never be a mom. He kept reminding me these three things.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
I accepted these verses as they were going over & over & over in my head & heart. I finally decided I should probably get some sleep & around 2 am I went to bed.
Dan had to leave for work super early in the morning. So about 3:30am he woke me up to tell me his car wouldn't start and so he had to take my vehicle to work. He asked me to call AAA and have them come tow the car to our local dealership to be fixed.
All I could do was cry.
5 am I was in the garage with a tow truck driver with puffy eyes and red cheeks. The driver told me that the car sounded like it was the fuel pump that needed to be replaced. I broke down again. Meanwhile, I turned around and noticed our air conditioner was leaking. I literally was hyperventilating. I didn't know how much more I could handle.
By 6 am I was on the phone with my dad (who lived next door) asking him if I could borrow his truck to go to work that day. I cried to him and told him all my problems. You see, at this point, remember, we had given a non-refundable deposit to the agency, we had hopes of 2 different children to adopt (which at this point seemed minimal) and now, we had a broken down car and our air conditioner was broken, again. Cha ching, cha ching, cha ching $$$.
BUT...All that was going through my head and heart was....
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
...to be continued...
Monday, June 18, we went back to work and life continued as normal. I was feeling pretty weepy this week. I couldn't understand why we were in this stand still. I knew it could take a while, but this week in particular I was just feeling down. I was determined I would never be a mom.
Tuesday was a normal day for us. I really don't remember anything odd about the day.
Wednesday....June 20, 2007. We had a normal day. After work, we had dinner and continued on to church. When we got home from church, Dan went to bed as he had to get up early & I decided to watch some tv. Around 10 pm I received a phone call. It was my family member telling me that birth momma had given birth, but it appeared as though she was going to keep her baby. With all my might, I remember just stating that I understood, it was an extremely difficult decision and she had to be at peace with whichever way she decided to go. We chatted for about 45 mins or so and after we hung up the phone I cried a bit, but then went to bed.
Thursday, I couldn't stop thinking about everything. I couldn't figure out what was going to happen, but life had to continue, and that it did. Thursdays were an extremely busy day for me at my job & I was thankful for that. That evening Dan & I did some minor things around the house and he made plans to go fishing the next day with some friends. He was also preparing to leave on Sunday for a week of youth camp, so we were just planning out our weekend and I was making a list of last minute supplies to purchase for him before he left. Around 10:30pm, I received a phone call. From birth grandmother. We talked about the reality of it all & the fact that the decision was extremely difficult on birth mom. I didn't completely understand, but I could only imagine how difficult it was. We talked for quite a while and thankfully, I kept my composure while I was on the phone. I had also learned that day that the potential adoption at the agency in VA we were working with was not going to happen. So, I felt like I had just lost all hope.
I. Was. Broken.
I remember sitting in my chair crying out to God. Not sure why this was happening and why I would never be a mom. He kept reminding me these three things.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
I accepted these verses as they were going over & over & over in my head & heart. I finally decided I should probably get some sleep & around 2 am I went to bed.
Dan had to leave for work super early in the morning. So about 3:30am he woke me up to tell me his car wouldn't start and so he had to take my vehicle to work. He asked me to call AAA and have them come tow the car to our local dealership to be fixed.
All I could do was cry.
5 am I was in the garage with a tow truck driver with puffy eyes and red cheeks. The driver told me that the car sounded like it was the fuel pump that needed to be replaced. I broke down again. Meanwhile, I turned around and noticed our air conditioner was leaking. I literally was hyperventilating. I didn't know how much more I could handle.
By 6 am I was on the phone with my dad (who lived next door) asking him if I could borrow his truck to go to work that day. I cried to him and told him all my problems. You see, at this point, remember, we had given a non-refundable deposit to the agency, we had hopes of 2 different children to adopt (which at this point seemed minimal) and now, we had a broken down car and our air conditioner was broken, again. Cha ching, cha ching, cha ching $$$.
BUT...All that was going through my head and heart was....
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10
All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
...to be continued...
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
BUT, WHAT Can I Do?
Okay, so some of you may be thinking, ok Beth, I love these adoption blogs. I love reading about this National Adoption month, but I'm not going to be adopting. I am not in that position in my life, for whatever reason that may be. So, can I do anything about adoption? Can I help in any way?
Oh, I am so glad you asked!!!!!
So---here are some suggestions. Watch. Pray. Listen. Support.
Because adoption is costly, sometimes families that are adopting do fundraisers. I happen to know of one going on right now!
Meet Jacob & Allison Forbes. They are currently in the journey. I do not know this lovely couple personally, however, adoption strings pull one another close. So, I am including her blog and you can read their story.
http://forbesadoption.weebly.com
Also....they are fund raising right now. They are selling t-shirts that will help support their journey.
Will you join me & buy a shirt???? This will help them out & it is an adorable shirt!
Oh, I am so glad you asked!!!!!
So---here are some suggestions. Watch. Pray. Listen. Support.
Because adoption is costly, sometimes families that are adopting do fundraisers. I happen to know of one going on right now!
Meet Jacob & Allison Forbes. They are currently in the journey. I do not know this lovely couple personally, however, adoption strings pull one another close. So, I am including her blog and you can read their story.
http://forbesadoption.weebly.com
Also....they are fund raising right now. They are selling t-shirts that will help support their journey.
Will you join me & buy a shirt???? This will help them out & it is an adorable shirt!
Come on now... show the love!! 
❤❤❤
https://www.bonfire.com/forbesadoptioscript/
https://www.bonfire.com/forbesadoptionprint/
❤❤❤https://www.bonfire.com/forbesadoptioscript/
https://www.bonfire.com/forbesadoptionprint/
There are 2 different shirts, but the script is the only difference.
Don't want a t-shirt???? They are also selling Coffee!
No Coffee? How about decor? Take a look at this fundraiser!!!!
Finally.....Not interested in any of the product, but would love to lend a hand, even if it is just $5? You can share some love here....
Okay, so I am begging y'all. Let's show this sweet couple some love. This journey is tough. It is hard on many levels and I know, I am asking you during a season of Holidays when money is often tight. I get it. I do. But, you will have an impact on the life of a child. Will you be a part?
Monday, November 7, 2016
How do we choose??
Today I wanted to keep the blog short and sweet.
Once you decide to adopt, how do you choose whether to adopt internationally or domestically?
WELL----
Here's some of my thoughts on this.
First of all....You need to decide what age do you want to adopt. Do you want a newborn? Then, domestic adoption is for you. International adoption will take a little longer for the child to be available for adoption, so the children internationally will be at least 6-12 months of age. Toddler -Older Children are available internationally. Domestically, you can also do foster to adopt which will be a variety of ages.
Travel---Internationally, you need to research what each country requires or work directly with an agency to determine the length of travel or amount of travel required. This may help you determine if international adoption is for you. Domestic adoption can also require travel. If you adopt in a states away from where you live, you may need to fly. If you choose to adopt close, it makes travel by vehicle possible. These are things to factor in.
Background--do you want to know medical history? Domestically you will receive some information through the agency from birth parent(s). Internationally you are less likely to receive any information of their health history.
Are you single or married? This could determine where you adopt. Some international countries will not allow singles to adopt. This is something to check before you start the process.
How old are you? Yes, your age could determine where you can adopt from. Internationally has some strict policies and again, some countries will not let adoptive parents be over a certain age. Domestically, you may also come into this. Some agencies have an age cap. Keep this in mind as you begin your research.
Medically---If you have had any serious medical issues, or mental health issues, be prepared to explain these and obtain written information from a Dr or Dr's in order to adopt either way.
Financially--International adoption requires a certain level of financial stability. Domestic has various ways to adopt depending on your finances. Foster to adopt may be your best case scenario, or private adoption.....depending on your financial flow.
Keep in mind if you have any past arrests you will have to get information regarding these. Also, if you have ever been accused or involved in sexual violence it may limit you from adopting at all. Be sure to research.
Finally, your religion is something to think about. You may pick an agency based on this, or a country based on this, but keep this in mind for you, your family & your future child.
Making this decision isn't easy. Once you decide what path to take, you will need to focus on it. Take the first step. You never know until you do. If you don't walk thru a door it will for sure be closed.
Once you decide to adopt, how do you choose whether to adopt internationally or domestically?
WELL----
Here's some of my thoughts on this.
First of all....You need to decide what age do you want to adopt. Do you want a newborn? Then, domestic adoption is for you. International adoption will take a little longer for the child to be available for adoption, so the children internationally will be at least 6-12 months of age. Toddler -Older Children are available internationally. Domestically, you can also do foster to adopt which will be a variety of ages.
Travel---Internationally, you need to research what each country requires or work directly with an agency to determine the length of travel or amount of travel required. This may help you determine if international adoption is for you. Domestic adoption can also require travel. If you adopt in a states away from where you live, you may need to fly. If you choose to adopt close, it makes travel by vehicle possible. These are things to factor in.
Background--do you want to know medical history? Domestically you will receive some information through the agency from birth parent(s). Internationally you are less likely to receive any information of their health history.
Are you single or married? This could determine where you adopt. Some international countries will not allow singles to adopt. This is something to check before you start the process.
How old are you? Yes, your age could determine where you can adopt from. Internationally has some strict policies and again, some countries will not let adoptive parents be over a certain age. Domestically, you may also come into this. Some agencies have an age cap. Keep this in mind as you begin your research.
Medically---If you have had any serious medical issues, or mental health issues, be prepared to explain these and obtain written information from a Dr or Dr's in order to adopt either way.
Financially--International adoption requires a certain level of financial stability. Domestic has various ways to adopt depending on your finances. Foster to adopt may be your best case scenario, or private adoption.....depending on your financial flow.
Keep in mind if you have any past arrests you will have to get information regarding these. Also, if you have ever been accused or involved in sexual violence it may limit you from adopting at all. Be sure to research.
Finally, your religion is something to think about. You may pick an agency based on this, or a country based on this, but keep this in mind for you, your family & your future child.
Making this decision isn't easy. Once you decide what path to take, you will need to focus on it. Take the first step. You never know until you do. If you don't walk thru a door it will for sure be closed.
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Adoption Journey Part 3
2007---We were hopeful. Yet, we knew that our journey hadn't been long, in terms of being in the wait.
End of January, beginning of February we went with my family member to meet a potential birth mom and her boys. I was so nervous. I remember on the drive to her place all these thoughts were going through my head. All I could do was pray. Pray that she saw me for me. Pray that she felt peace. Pray that it went well. I.WAS.TERRIFIED! To be honest, I tried to put myself in her shoes. I tried to imagine the nervousness she was feeling, but I couldn't. I couldn't even fathom it really. Even though the drive there was only about 15 mins, it felt like it took for-ever! I remember shaking when we arrived. I didn't want to make a bad impression. I really wanted her to love us.
The meeting----it was great. We met her and her boys, and some of her family. OH MY GOODNESS, her boys were adorable!!!!!!! We talked for quite a while. She asked us questions, we asked her questions and then....she showed us the ultrasound. Oh my heart. I was in love. I wanted to hold her and tell her so many things that day, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that this was still just a "potential!" She felt that we were the ones, but we knew in our hearts that she had a good amount of time to change her mind.
Birth mom and I kept in touch via text messages. I was so new at this & really had no idea how to handle this. She was new at this too and so, we were both unsure. I remember checking in on her to see how she was feeling. I remember getting a message for her saying "it's a boy!" You're having a boy. Oh, I was so happy, but my head wouldn't allow myself to be excited. There was too much unknown.
Meanwhile....because this was a private adoption & the unknown was so great, we continued our journey with Liberty Godparent Home/Family Life Services. I started a new job in March, but we had an Adoption Training scheduled in April. So, my job approved the time and in April, we made our way to Lynchburg, VA. It was an amazing weekend. We got to meet the little boy that started our journey & his parents that he had been placed with. We saw exactly why they had him. It was a perfect fit. Only God could've put that pairing together. It was fantastic! We learned a lot this weekend. It was packed with information. We left feeling more prepared for adoption, yet more terrified too.
May 2007....I lost complete touch with birth mom. I was unable to reach her via phone. I knew she was close to her due date, so I was sure it was over.
June 2007....we were contacted by LGH/FLS about a potential adoption. The only thing we needed to do was have our non refundable deposit in and our "scrapbook" that showed our family & home. So, let's be honest here....I hadn't even started my book & they would have to have it by Monday and they called us on Friday. I checked with UPS and FEDEX if we overnighted it on Saturday would it be there & they couldn't guarantee it. So.....My mom and Sister came to my home and we banged out my book in one night. Saturday I put the finishing touches on it. Monday, Dan took off work and my niece road with him to Lynchburg, VA. 4 hrs there....dropped off the book and $2,000 *non-refundable* deposit and then drove the 4 hrs back home.
That was it....we were officially in the "waiting pool!" Our album would be shown to potential birth mothers. Our hopes and dreams of becoming parents had taken another step. We were doing this.
The next weekend we were going to WV for my nephew to get married and it was father's day weekend. The perfect time to get away! We had a fantastic time at the wedding and a great time away. On Father's day I gave Dan a Father's day card telling him to "hang on daddy! I will be here soon!"
I had no idea how true that would be....
End of January, beginning of February we went with my family member to meet a potential birth mom and her boys. I was so nervous. I remember on the drive to her place all these thoughts were going through my head. All I could do was pray. Pray that she saw me for me. Pray that she felt peace. Pray that it went well. I.WAS.TERRIFIED! To be honest, I tried to put myself in her shoes. I tried to imagine the nervousness she was feeling, but I couldn't. I couldn't even fathom it really. Even though the drive there was only about 15 mins, it felt like it took for-ever! I remember shaking when we arrived. I didn't want to make a bad impression. I really wanted her to love us.
The meeting----it was great. We met her and her boys, and some of her family. OH MY GOODNESS, her boys were adorable!!!!!!! We talked for quite a while. She asked us questions, we asked her questions and then....she showed us the ultrasound. Oh my heart. I was in love. I wanted to hold her and tell her so many things that day, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that this was still just a "potential!" She felt that we were the ones, but we knew in our hearts that she had a good amount of time to change her mind.
Birth mom and I kept in touch via text messages. I was so new at this & really had no idea how to handle this. She was new at this too and so, we were both unsure. I remember checking in on her to see how she was feeling. I remember getting a message for her saying "it's a boy!" You're having a boy. Oh, I was so happy, but my head wouldn't allow myself to be excited. There was too much unknown.
Meanwhile....because this was a private adoption & the unknown was so great, we continued our journey with Liberty Godparent Home/Family Life Services. I started a new job in March, but we had an Adoption Training scheduled in April. So, my job approved the time and in April, we made our way to Lynchburg, VA. It was an amazing weekend. We got to meet the little boy that started our journey & his parents that he had been placed with. We saw exactly why they had him. It was a perfect fit. Only God could've put that pairing together. It was fantastic! We learned a lot this weekend. It was packed with information. We left feeling more prepared for adoption, yet more terrified too.
May 2007....I lost complete touch with birth mom. I was unable to reach her via phone. I knew she was close to her due date, so I was sure it was over.
June 2007....we were contacted by LGH/FLS about a potential adoption. The only thing we needed to do was have our non refundable deposit in and our "scrapbook" that showed our family & home. So, let's be honest here....I hadn't even started my book & they would have to have it by Monday and they called us on Friday. I checked with UPS and FEDEX if we overnighted it on Saturday would it be there & they couldn't guarantee it. So.....My mom and Sister came to my home and we banged out my book in one night. Saturday I put the finishing touches on it. Monday, Dan took off work and my niece road with him to Lynchburg, VA. 4 hrs there....dropped off the book and $2,000 *non-refundable* deposit and then drove the 4 hrs back home.
That was it....we were officially in the "waiting pool!" Our album would be shown to potential birth mothers. Our hopes and dreams of becoming parents had taken another step. We were doing this.
The next weekend we were going to WV for my nephew to get married and it was father's day weekend. The perfect time to get away! We had a fantastic time at the wedding and a great time away. On Father's day I gave Dan a Father's day card telling him to "hang on daddy! I will be here soon!"
I had no idea how true that would be....
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Our Journey Part 2
Once we had decided that adoption was the path we needed to take the next steps were crazy. First of all we needed to decide where.
1st choice was International or Domestic. As much as I longed for (and still kind of do) a Filipino child, we decided Domestic was for us. We then were hit with a barrage of other choices. We had to decide on an agency and start filling out information. There is when the paperwork started.
We got information regarding a baby boy who was born with cerebral palsy, but they weren't sure of the extent of it. We prayed and decided to go for it. So, in November of 2005, we started filling out paperwork with Liberty Godparent Home - Family Life Services https://familylifeservices.org. Since I had graduated from Liberty University in 1997, this place was perfect for us. We were super excited to start but wow, there was a ton of paperwork. Pages and pages of it. But, we filled it out. We finished it & submitted it. We soon learned that baby boy had been placed with another family, but we knew that God had a plan.
December 2006, I received a call one evening from a family member. She worked with someone who had a family member pregnant and was thinking of placing the child for adoption. My family member wanted to know if we were open to meet birth-mom and speak about adoption. Of course we were! For sure. She told us she would be in touch and we waited.
Here is the deal....the waiting pool is the most difficult position to be in as an adoptive parent. You see, when a woman gets pregnant, you have 9 months to plan. For the most part, barring no complications, you know that timeline. As hopeful adoptive parents, your timeline varies. Hugely varies.
And so....we were on the path. We were on the path to adoption, but we were in the wait. On the biggest wait of our lives.....
1st choice was International or Domestic. As much as I longed for (and still kind of do) a Filipino child, we decided Domestic was for us. We then were hit with a barrage of other choices. We had to decide on an agency and start filling out information. There is when the paperwork started.
We got information regarding a baby boy who was born with cerebral palsy, but they weren't sure of the extent of it. We prayed and decided to go for it. So, in November of 2005, we started filling out paperwork with Liberty Godparent Home - Family Life Services https://familylifeservices.org. Since I had graduated from Liberty University in 1997, this place was perfect for us. We were super excited to start but wow, there was a ton of paperwork. Pages and pages of it. But, we filled it out. We finished it & submitted it. We soon learned that baby boy had been placed with another family, but we knew that God had a plan.
December 2006, I received a call one evening from a family member. She worked with someone who had a family member pregnant and was thinking of placing the child for adoption. My family member wanted to know if we were open to meet birth-mom and speak about adoption. Of course we were! For sure. She told us she would be in touch and we waited.
Here is the deal....the waiting pool is the most difficult position to be in as an adoptive parent. You see, when a woman gets pregnant, you have 9 months to plan. For the most part, barring no complications, you know that timeline. As hopeful adoptive parents, your timeline varies. Hugely varies.
And so....we were on the path. We were on the path to adoption, but we were in the wait. On the biggest wait of our lives.....
Friday, November 4, 2016
Adoption Symbol
Did you know there is an adoption symbol??
This picture hangs in our home. It is truly an inspiration to me. The triangle shows the sides to adoption. The three sides of the triangle represent the child, the birth parents and the adoptive parents. The heart shows they are all connected by love. This speaks volumes to me! I love that we all love the child. It is a constant reminder to me that by the grace of God, I have the privilege to love a child that was birthed by another woman. I am reminded daily that another woman thinks of my child on his/her birthday, on holidays and on various days of the year. It helps me be mindful of my child and his/her feelings. This symbol is a constant reminder to me of my blessed life.
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So, when you see this symbol somewhere....remember what it means. Keep in mind all that is a part of adoption. Someday, I will have this symbol tattooed on my wrist.
Child. Birth Parents. Adoptive Parents. All united in love.
Gets my heart completely.
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