Sunday, September 21, 2014

4 years?!

I cannot believe that this week will mark 4 years since we've moved into our home here in Texas.  I will tell you that lately has been by far the most difficult time of the transition for me.  I have been struggling lately.

No, it isn't because I'm unhappy with my life.  I love being a mom.  In fact, being a mom is by far the best part of my life.  My little man is growing up so fast!  I can't believe that he is 7 now!  He continues to amaze me every day.  We definitely have our issues with him, as does any parent, but, I can't imagine my life without him.  He brings me joy everyday.  He is doing so well with gymnastics & loves it.  He is also doing well in school this year.  But, the biggest thing for him, he LOVES his sister.  I am not sure I have ever seen a brother as doting on their sister as him.  He is sooooooo protective.  We have had moments when she is crying that he gets angry at us because he thinks we made her cry.  When she cries, he picks her up.  It is honestly unreal.  Spoiling her isn't going to only be from her mommy & daddy.  Eli is daily our comedian.  He comes up with some stuff that is off the top.  Sometimes, all we can do is laugh. 

Clara, she is growing up way too fast.  I can't believe our princess is over 1 already.  She is walking around and getting into everything.  She loves her brother so much.  When he is in school, she goes around the house yelling, "Bubba!"  She misses him.  It is amazing to watch the connection between the two of them.  She also loves her Daddy.  We try to Facetime with him when he travels and she LOVES seeing him on the screen.  Now anytime we have someone on speaker phone, she thinks she should be able to see them.  Quite a different society now, huh? I am enjoying each moment with her & trying to cherish every moment as I know the baby times are leaving me too fast & much quicker than I would like.

So, 4 years in TX.  Someone asked me recently if I would change it.  My answer is no.  It's been good and bad, but I really do enjoy it here.  Lately though, I am having a tough time.  I hurt.  My heart misses my family more than ever.  I struggle with myself.  I have gained way too much weight since moving.  I have gotten out of my love of running.  I see all the negative and that hurts.  I wish I could just look past it.  I know what I need to do.  I have given up on most of the stuff I love.  I live for my kids now.  I want them to enjoy life.  I want them to love the moments.  However, in order for them to do that....I must.  Which means, I have to get out of my funk.  So, maybe by me admitting it here, I will start to move towards healing.  I have to be real.  I'm turning into a hermit.  Ask me to do something, most likely, I won't.  Yup....I know, it has to change.  So....can I ask for prayers?  Can you pray for me to get past this.  Not just get past this, but conquer it? 

I will end this with some great pics of my life.  My kiddos.  They are my life!  They are my loves.  They are my breath.

This was tonight.  Eli took her outside with him, I captured this shot.