Waiting seemed to be our lesson throughout adoption. We waited a LOT. There were a lot of HURRY up and get the money for this and then WAIT!
So, since we wired the money on Monday we had to wait. We knew very little information. All we could do was pray. I just remember thinking about all the possibilities. The good....we were going to have a baby! The bad....we could be played. We could've just sent a huge amount of money, like HUGE, and we could lose it all. Which means that we just took a leap. We have a loan to repay whether or not we have a baby in our arms at the end of this. THAT is scary.
Elijah---he kept praying. He was faithful in his praying. He knew that something was going on, but he didn't know all the details.
Our agency called us and we filled out paperwork. We started all the inspections, fingerprinting, TB testing, etc, etc, etc....Home studies, being sure to have all the health information written, we had to cross our t's and dot our i's! It was imperative that we continued this at a good rate.
We received information about our birthmom. She was an addict. She was currently on methadone and was receiving daily treatments. Along with this information there was a lot of what if's for the baby. However, we were in. We were committed. We felt that God would take care of this baby. So, we just prayed & asked others to join us in prayer.
Because of the open adoption with have with Eli's birthmom, I wanted to meet this birthmom as soon as possible. I felt firmly that I needed to do this. I couldn't shake the feeling. I spoke with the agency & while they were open to it, they made sure I knew that it was completely up to the birth mother and if she didn't want to, it was her choice. We understood that, but I really wanted to be close to her too.
I am fairly certain I was a pain in the rear end to the agency. I pretty much talked to them daily. I would always ask to have contact with birthmom. They would chat with me but she still hadn't said yes.
By this point in the process, we had received our financial information. We knew what our monthly payments would entail, for housing/living expenses for birth mom and for daily methadone. We also understood there could be other expenses that came up, but we would have our info monthly. At the birth there was a lump sum due.
So, we had our marching orders financially. We had our detailed information as to what we needed to get done and we were waiting to hear from the agency as to whether birthmom would agree to meet us.
In June.....I finally got to meet her! I was so excited, but OH, MY, GOODNESS! I was so scared. Again, what if she didn't like me? I was meeting her alone for the first time and ugh, I am not the ideal mom. What am I going to talk to her about? What are we going to do?
So, I went & picked her up at her place. She was ready for some food, so she asked if we could go to Golden Corral. So....off we went. We talked and talked and talked. About everything and anything. It was so comfortable. It was natural. It felt right. We talked about baby "boy" and we talked about life.
It just seemed right. We spent several hours together before ending our time. I left feeling like this was it! This was the perfect match. We had found our baby. We were having a baby boy in September! Yay!!!!!
But....God reminded me....Be still Beth. Be Still...and so, we waited....for more information. We waited to know.....did she pick us? Were we matched?