Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Tough Times

That first night, we were all exhausted, we were torn, our hearts wanted to stay in the NICU, but we knew, we needed a good nights rest.  So, we said see you later to our sweet Clara and went home for the night.  

The next day I went back to the hospital right away.  Birthmom and I had some time together and then I spent my day with our princess.  Nurses came in and out to help me feed her, and figure out all the goods.  I did kangaroo care quite a bit.  We knew that attachment issues could arise for several reasons, but especially from the drug addiction.  

Withdrawals.  Probably the most difficult thing EVER that I have gone through.  She was on a detox regiment.  Dr's and nurses were very clear to us that we were in for about 2-3 months.  This was day 1 and I was strong.  I knew this going in, so I had to be ready.

Moments were precious.  Moments with Clara were tough, but so loving.  She started out doing so well.  

On Sunday, birthmom was released from the hospital, but before she left, she signed adoption paperwork.  So that part was completed, but the legal process couldn't begin until Clara was released from the hospital too.  

At one point, the delivering and caring for OBGYN told me that he thought we were brave and he wouldn't have adopted this baby.  I was in shock.  I just replied, we trust that God has protected her and taken good care of her. 

Over the next couple weeks Clara amazed all the Dr's.  By the end of the second week when we were leaving they told us the next morning she would be reduced on her meds.  But, the next morning, we got there and she was back up to a full dose.  What was happening is that every day one or both of us were there and she would do great, then we would leave at night to go home and she would worsen.  It was devastating!  So, that day, I determined that was it.  I was sleeping there.  I wasn't leaving.  

The blessing was this....Dan was able to take time off, which was great because Eli started Kindergarten the Monday after she was born.  So, we would take him to school in the morning and then go see Clara.  We would leave to pick him up and go back to her, or I would stay there and wait for Daddy & Eli to come back.  It was a lot of driving.  But, she was worth it.

It was also a blessing because we had LOTS of visitors at the NICU.  People in our life drove the distance to come and visit with us.  They came and held her and loved on her and we knew we were blessed.

So, by this point Dan was able to be home with Eli & I stayed at the hospital.  I had 2 chairs in our area the I slid together with a foot stool in between and I slept there at night.  The NICU nurses were amazing, but by this point, I was the one taking care of her.  I only called on them if I needed help.  I slept like that for 2 nights.  Then, they allowed me to move into the NICU "next step" room.  It was seriously amazing.  It was like my own hotel room.  I had a shower and bathroom in there, I had a bed (ahhhhhh) and a tv, sink and all I needed for sweet Clara.  

Since staying at the NICU she had been progressing very quickly.  I was with her 24/7 now.  Dan and Eli would come up on the nights they could, but we tried to be smart about the traveling.  Now that I was in the room, they fed me breakfast, lunch and dinner, which was amazing.  I never thought I would get that.  

Sept 16, we got good news.  They were taking her off of all MEDICINE!  WOO HOOO!  They were all shocked at how well she was doing, but we had many people praying for her. The day went great! They told me based on the evening and how it went, she could be sent home the next day.  

Well, September 17, 2013.......we went home!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!

Enjoy these pictures from that day.  

Her going home outfit.  Had this made and loved it!  

World's Best Big Brother!  He was so proud of his little sister!

Eli was super excited that we were leaving together as a family!

Eli got to push her out of the NICU.  It was a very memorable moment! 

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