Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Our Journey Part 4

After the wedding and weekend away for Father's Day weekend Jun 2007, we went back to PA to continue our normal life.  Mind you, at this point, we were "in the waiting pool" at Liberty Godparent Home/Family Life Services and we had lost contact with the birth mom for our potential private adoption.

Monday, June 18, we went back to work and life continued as normal.  I was feeling pretty weepy this week.  I couldn't understand why we were in this stand still.  I knew it could take a while, but this week in particular I was just feeling down.  I was determined I would never be a mom.

Tuesday was a normal day for us.  I really don't remember anything odd about the day.

Wednesday....June 20, 2007.  We had a normal day.  After work, we had dinner and continued on to church.  When we got home from church, Dan went to bed as he had to get up early & I decided to watch some tv.  Around 10 pm I received a phone call.  It was my family member telling me that birth momma had given birth, but it appeared as though she was going to keep her baby.  With all my might, I remember just stating that I understood, it was an extremely difficult decision and she had to be at peace with whichever way she decided to go.  We chatted for about 45 mins or so and after we hung up the phone I cried a bit, but then went to bed.

Thursday, I couldn't stop thinking about everything.  I couldn't figure out what was going to happen, but life had to continue, and that it did.  Thursdays were an extremely busy day for me at my job & I was thankful for that.  That evening Dan & I did some minor things around the house and he made plans to go fishing the next day with some friends.  He was also preparing to leave on Sunday for a week of youth camp, so we were just planning out our weekend and I was making a list of last minute supplies to purchase for him before he left.  Around 10:30pm, I received a phone call.  From birth grandmother.  We talked about the reality of it all & the fact that the decision was extremely difficult on birth mom.  I didn't completely understand, but I could only imagine how difficult it was.  We talked for quite a while and thankfully, I kept my composure while I was on the phone.  I had also learned that day that the potential adoption at the agency in VA we were working with was not going to happen.  So, I felt like I had just lost all hope.

I. Was. Broken.

I remember sitting in my chair crying out to God.  Not sure why this was happening and why I would never be a mom.  He kept reminding me these three things.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Jeremiah 29:11

Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10

All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I accepted these verses as they were going over & over & over in my head & heart.  I finally decided I should probably get some sleep & around 2 am I went to bed.

Dan had to leave for work super early in the morning.  So about 3:30am he woke me up to tell me his car wouldn't start and so he had to take my vehicle to work.  He asked me to call AAA and have them come tow the car to our local dealership to be fixed.

All I could do was cry.

5 am I was in the garage with a tow truck driver with puffy eyes and red cheeks.  The driver told me that the car sounded like it was the fuel pump that needed to be replaced.  I broke down again.  Meanwhile, I turned around and noticed our air conditioner was leaking.  I literally was hyperventilating.  I didn't know how much more I could handle.

By 6 am I was on the phone with my dad (who lived next door) asking him if I could borrow his truck to go to work that day.  I cried to him and told him all my problems.  You see, at this point, remember, we had given a non-refundable deposit to the agency, we had hopes of 2 different children to adopt (which at this point seemed minimal) and now, we had a broken down car and our air conditioner was broken, again.  Cha ching, cha ching, cha ching $$$.

BUT...All that was going through my head and heart was....

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Jeremiah 29:11

Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10

All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

...to be continued...

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